Full Potential.

What would Satan love more than to keep us from reaching our full potential?


He would love to bombard our hearts and minds with fears, lies, doubts, and painful memories. But Jesus is rejuvenating our hearts constantly and he can be our strength. His perfect love is casting out fear.


The more we seek Jesus, the less room there is for the painful memories, doubts, lies, and fears because God's majesty trumps them. It makes them completely insignificant.


God has created each of us for a specific purpose to further his kingdom. He says "Do you love me? Then feed my sheep."


God doesn't say -- Go find sheep to feed.


He says -- Care for the flock I've entrusted you.


He is orchestrating every single moment of our lives. He is leading us beside still waters. He restores our souls.


When life seems to be spinning out of control in a direction we never thought it would-- there he is holding our entire world in his hands.


His hands formed my very being. He created every aspect of who I am for a specific purpose in His kingdom. How amazing? So often I bash this creation that he has made-- but He did it with reason. He did it on purpose. He meant to give me everything that he has.


I should sit at His feet in humble adoration so thankful for all he has done, but instead I question-- why am I so short? Why do I talk so much? Why can't I play the piano? Why, why, why?


But it's not about me. It's not about me having all the answers. It's about Jesus.


It's about His glory-- not my own.


He is worthy. And only he is.


I don't need to go out and look for people to love on and appreciate-- I need to rest in God's majesty and love the people he has entrusted to me. Whoever they are and however I can do that-- that's what he's asked.


He's not asking me to drop everything and leave the country so I can love people. He's whispering-- Feed my sheep here. Trust me that this is where I want you. I brought you here and I will use you.


I have so much for you that you cannot see. Rest in my love and give me your burdens and cares-- I love you. I want what's best for you. Rest in that. Trust me, I'm worth trusting. I'll never ever let you down.


You are beautiful. You are my beloved daughter and I want the absolute best for you. I created you specifically as you are for a purpose. The way I've made you-- makes you perfect for the plan that I have. Don't take my blessings out of context. You are my responsibility. Let go of control. Rest in my presence and let me conduct your every moment. I love you so much. You were worth every drop of my blood. I don't regret how much I love you-- I just love you more. You are my beloved daughter. I want you to know that about yourself and enjoy the complexity of my creation. Enjoy being exactly who I've shaped you into. Stop trying to change what is so beautiful and complex about you so that you might be 'good enough' for someone who is not meant for you. I am in control. Rest in the truth. Be still and know that I am God. I know the plans I have for you. I'll care for you. And as I am caring for you, would you please care for others? You are beautiful. Never forget that.


Hand all your ideas, good or bad, over to me. I will hold them. You don't need the extra weight. Fall into my arms and what you once found to be hard work will become effortless because I am working through your hands and feet. Trust in me and you will see the fruits of your labor. Wait quietly before me. I will give you what you need-- even if you don't ask. Expect great things from me because I am always willing to be found by you. I want what's best for you. You are my daughter, what wouldn't I do to see a smile on your face and soul? You are beautiful.


I created you exactly as you are on purpose. There are people who love that. And those who don't? My love has not been perfected in them. But my love alone is enough for you. Love them as I have loved you; regardless of how their words hurt and sting. You are made exactly as you are for a purpose. I can see it. The people in your life can see it. You need to see it. Believe that you are fearfully and wonderfully made from the inside out by a God who loves you enough to count the hairs on your head.


Now go and love the world as I have. Be my go-to girl. I know you want to serve me, so do it.

Dare.

God wants to cultivate in me His strength out of my weakness.


He wants me to let go of all fear. His love is casting it out.


1 John 4:18 -- Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.


God's love is casting out a lot of fears in my life.


It's insane how many fears I've had that I haven't realized.


For those of you who know me, you may know that I eat slow. Perhaps you don't know me that well, but it's a known fact. And on Tuesdays and Thursdays I go to lunch with three people who have to be somewhere quickly after they eat. Therefore, today I ended up sitting in the caf alone. When I first got here at CBU, this was one of my biggest fears; being alone. But you know what? It's not a big deal at all. In fact, I whipped out my bible and meditated on Psalm 62 as I continued to finish my meal. By the end I was thinking that I should come into the caf alone more often to enjoy a peaceful meal centered on time with Jesus.


Another fear I have mustered up over the years is the fear of public speaking. Yes, I realize it makes no sense to outside observers because all I ever do is talk...but for some reason I've gathered this one up. I was terrified to take COM113 because I knew I'd have to make four speeches, but guess what? Piece of cake. I don't even know why I was so afraid of it. Yesterday I knocked out a speech that I wrote Sunday and delivered it really well on four hours of sleep and no breakfast. I wasn't nervous on the inside, although my knees started to shake. I ended my speech with confidence and poise, happy to have done my best.


I see a pattern in my life where I decide that something makes me uncomfortable so I refuse to do it. I don't know how to do something absolutely perfectly so I won't even try. Random examples include swimming, public speaking, singing, or dressing fashionably. The things is, I don't have to know how to do all of these things perfectly or know the ins and outs of each of them, but if I'm humble and realize it's not about me then it won't be as big of a deal. If I simply realize people aren't paying that much attention to me. It's not about me.


I don't need to be afraid because Jesus loves me and he just wants me to rest and enjoy this life he has given me and all the blessings he's poured over it.


Back to my time in Belize, I will never forget a conversation Verity and I had in the airport; she said I am a studly woman, but I tend to underestimate myself. It's almost been a year since then...I agreed then and I agree today, but I still have done little to live it out.


I don't need to be afraid of rejection, punishment, failure, or anything else that is completely irrelevant. Jesus has a plan for my life, he'll make it happen, and I can rest in this truth because he is faithful and true.


Psalm 62:5-8 -- Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.


I know that God is good, so I will trust in Him as he leads me along paths of righteousness.

I will not fear the war, 

I will not fear the storm, 

 help is on the way.

Change.

I don't need to change the world, my circumstances, or my image. I need to change my attitude.


Philippians 2:5 -- Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.


I am who I am.


I can praise God in the world I live in.


I don't have to run away from it.


Live in it.


Embrace it.


Love those who are a part of it.

Man Auction.

Tonight was yet another great CBU event, this one is called the Man Auction. So, all of the Freshman young men treat the Freshman young women to a night of bidding.


We were escorted in by nice gentlemen, given some money, and a..um...whatever the thing you wave in the air to bid is called. 


So, I am sitting in the back row with my friends Cassie and Nicole.


Cassie and I are very much alike. So you can imagine that we are going to bid.


We are being the crazy back row.


So, Cassie bids first on Man #7....and wins. We didn't even know it was happening.


Then we are determined.


So, I bid on Man #8.......and after outbidding myself (yes, I'm that stupid..) I won as well.


What does this mean?


This means at the end of the event, we are placed in a chair at the end of a runway while a 'mystery man' removes the paper bag from his head, walks toward us, hands us a flower (and, in my case, kisses my hand), and now we have a 'date' tomorrow at 12.


Cassie and I almost peed our pants.


We didn't even know what was going on and then all of a sudden we are talking to strange men holding flowers. I love this girl.


Anyway, it was a fun adventure.


I love CBU so much.


I probably won't let you know how tomorrow goes...but since it will be Cassie and I, I think it's going to be a great time.


:)

Seek Week.

This week at CBU is what we like to call Seek Week. This is a week that is taken each semester for students to really seek God and what He is calling each of us to do in our lives at the moment and in the future. We are able to go to chapel Monday, Wednesday, and Friday during this week along with other extra activities such as a Worship Night, Prayer Night, and Participation in a fast. 


For me, the entire semester has been leading up to this week. I didn't know that until it began.


Monday morning-- I slept through my first class. Hard to be in a good mood when you sleep through your class. Maybe other people see that as a good thing, but I hate missing class.
I got up and ready for my next class. Since I'm such a genius I waited to do my homework for that class until that morning...and it took a bit longer than I expected and I ended up needing to run to class. And, yes, I was that girl. I did it. I ran to class. I swore I'd never be that girl, but I did it. Guess what? We were in class for ten minutes. The professor let us go early. I should have been glad about that, right? But I just humiliated myself running to class so I wouldn't be late...only to leave. Kinda disappointing if you ask me.
So, I go back to my room and put on actual clothes so I can head in to chapel.
And I began to realize-- it's Seek Week and I have been drawing closer and closer to Christ since I've been here...no wonder today sucks. I'm supposed to learn something during chapel. I really need to hear this but I am in such a bad mood right now I don't know how this is going to work out. So, I started praying as I got dressed, sucked it up, and headed over to chapel.


Chapel kicked my butt. First of all, I was already crying on the first song. Second of all, our speaker Albert Tate is legit. He speaks with such simplicity that it's impossible to miss his point. My favorite thing about his style of preaching is that he uses simple illustrations like buying his wife a gift, sitting in a chair, and getting in a fight to explain our spiritual lives. But he gets me so caught up in his story that I am not expecting the spiritual twist he's about to put on it. In fact, every single story he told-- when he got to the spiritual punch line I was just thinking, "Whaaaaaaaat?" I couldn't predict any of them, which made me more interested in what he had to say.


His message on Wednesay was based on Isaiah 6:1-9.


He spoke of what our reaction to meeting Jesus should be -- noticing our uncleanliness, noticing our community's uncleanliness, being purified by Christ, and saying "Here am I, send me."


But a different part of his message really stuck out to me. He emphasized this verse;


Isaiah 6:1 -- It was in the year King Uzziah died that I saw the Lord. He was sitting on a lofty throne, and the train of his robe filled the Temple.


Tate said, "King Uzziah had to die so that Isaiah could see the Lord. He was too focused on his earthly king to realize the majesty and glory of the real King. Who has to die so that you can see the King? What has to die in order for you to see the Lord?"


Remember how I said this entire semester has been leading up to Seek Week? And I didn't even know it?


I have been distracted. Fear, future, failure, image, and communication are all things that have been standing in the way of me seeing Jesus. Over the last couple of months 'Uzziah' has been dying. And I've been fighting it. Satan loves the fact that if he keeps me from seeing the Lord then my reaction won't be -- Here am I, send me. Because I'm too focused on what I want, what I think I deserve, or what I believe is going to happen. Satan loves to hold us back in whatever way that he can.


And he ended with this --

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,

All the kings horses and all the kings men,

couldn't put poor Humpty Dumpty back together again.

Tate said, "Why didn't Humpty Dumpty just call the king?"

I have been feeling like the girl in this skit-- when all of the distractions are pushing her down, hitting her, and dragging her away from Christ-- but all I needed to do was let Jesus kill 'Uzziah'. All I needed to do was call the King.

He was waiting there, pulling me closer to him. He was waiting for the moment that I stretched out my tiny, frail arm barely even reaching toward him-- and when I did, he met me where I was at. He cleansed me of my sins and has made me into a new creation.

I just need to rest in who He is and let Him take full control.

Psalm 116:1-2 -- I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!

More than this.

I recently realized something very unfortunate about my life. Not only have I not taken seriously how great God is and just how much He is capable of doing in and through my life, but I think that He won't want to. And, as if that is not enough, I haven't taken seriously how much Satan hates me. I haven't taken seriously how much Satan wants to make me stumble.

Satan will use anything to take my eyes off of Jesus. He'll use good, Christian things to take my eyes off of Jesus. Although he can't snatch me from Jesus' hands, he can use my selfishness to keep more people from being placed in Jesus' care. The longer he can keep me self-conscious, fearful, and nervous...the longer he can keep me from reaching others.

It's not about me.


Ephesians 6:12 -- For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly realms.


1 Peter 5:8-9 -- Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are.


John 10:27-30 -- My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father's hand. The Father and I are one.


Just because we know that no one can snatch us from the Father's hand, doesn't mean we can ignore the seriousness of our calling here on earth. It doesn't mean we get to sit around and coast living a 'good' life.


God wants to use us.


He wants our lives to shine His light over this dark world.


We shouldn't be okay with complacency, boredom, or timidity.


We should want our lives to look completely different than they did before the Holy Spirit became a part of us.


Radically different.


2 Corinthians 5:17 -- This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!


Ephesians 4:21-24 -- Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God-- truly righteous and holy.


Sit at His feet, in your mess, and simply be in awe of how great He is.
Stop thinking about how great you want to be, what you want to be able to do, how many things you need, or who you wish you could be around.
Think about how great our God is.
Worship and serve Him in every moment.

I want to sit at Your feet.

The more I seek You,

The more I find You,

The more I find You,

The more I love You.

I want to sit at Your feet,

drink from the cup in Your hands.

Lay back against You and breathe,

feel Your heartbeat.

This love is so deep,

it's more than I can stand,

I melt in Your peace,

it's overwhelming.

It's okay to love what you do.

Today I played soccer for the first time in about a year and a half.


Why did I ever stop?


I absolutely adore playing the game of soccer.


As soon as the game is over I look back over the last hour of my life and realize that it completely revolved around soccer. I didn't have another care in the world beside the game.


Hobbies. Activities. Passions.


Every time I pick up a book...I'm lost. I find myself in another world. Completely void of all human contact. I take on the reality of that book.


If I could go camping on a regular basis, I would. In fact, I really should. I love being completely secluded, void of technology, and away from the busy-ness of the world.


God has given me passions.
He does this to help me to relax.


Soccer takes away my aggression, pain, anger, and fear.
I get to take that aggression and channel it into my desire to get the ball and score.


Reading takes away my complacency and ignorance of things beyond myself.
I get to learn facts and things about the world that I didn't already know.


Camping takes away my reliance on the culture I live in.
I get to sit back and relax; away from the world and simply enjoy life for what it is.


It's okay to love what you do.


In fact, why shouldn't we spend our time doing the things that we love to do?


I love to play soccer, read, write, go camping, watch movies, dance, stretch, talk, laugh, run, smile, make new friends, and learn.
Why not use my time on this earth to do those things?
Instead of assuming that I'm not supposed to because I need to do 'greater things'.


God blessed me with these passions that bring me joy.


I am who I am.
And who I am is good enough in Christ Jesus.


I have been redeemed.
May I use my time to glorify Jesus Christ by enjoying and cherishing every moment.

Freedom From Social Media.

I highly recommend a hiatus from the world of social media.


You'd be surprised how enriching life is when it is actually being lived.


I get a sense of freedom as I step away from social media.


People can't know what I'm doing unless they ask me.


They can't look through all my pictures, read through all my conversations, and see my updates without even saying a word to me.


They don't know my every move.


I am free to be where I am.


I don't have to feel competition to be more impressive than the next person.


I don't have to feel bad that my friends hung out without me.


I am free.


I am not spending hours Facebook stalking people I don't know.


I'm not wasting my 'friendship' on people I've never met.


Nobody's in my business unless I want them to be.


I'm not in anyone's business unless I want to be or unless they want me to be.


I can live my life.


Jealousy, gossip, slander, anger, bitterness, competition, coveting, judgment-- all of these things can become commonplace during our time on social networking sites.


I want to be consumed by Jesus Christ and who he has called me to be, rather than what my friends are doing and saying.


There is freedom in a quiet life.


1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 -- Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before. Then people who are not Christians will respect the way you live, and you will not need to depend on others.


I don't have to be friends with everyone on Facebook.


I don't need to get everyone's phone number the first time we meet.


I don't need to be in constant communication.


I can live an independent life.


If you need me...you can find me, somehow.


We'll run into each other from time to time in the cafeteria.


Maybe when I go for a run, you'll stop me as you're walking to class and we'll have a nice conversation.


Perhaps you'll be walking by and see my team playing soccer and you'll stop to watch for a moment, leaving with a nice wave.


I might have a class with you next semester.


You might see me in Brisco's. Only in the later hours of the night because I'm more of a cafeteria girl.


Maybe we'll be focus leaders together.


Doesn't really matter.


I am me. I will always be me. And I don't need you to make me feel more important.


I guess what I've learned is -- there's no urgency. I thought there was, but there isn't. We freak out, add everyone on Facebook, and try to get a bunch of phone numbers so we'll never have to be alone. But you know what? Every time I wander around campus I see someone I know and have a casual conversation.


I don't need to use technology as my crutch.


I am a human being.


I am strong.


2 Timothy 1:7 -- For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.


Something I need to get rid of is the people pleaser mentality within me.


I am on this earth to please God, not men.


It's not about me having a wonderful reputation or an impressive lifestyle. 


I just need to love Jesus and feed his sheep.


I want to know what it means to be a woman who fears the Lord.


I don't want to be a woman who fears the reputation of her peers.


I don't want to spend all my time determining whether or not others are living in a way that is pleasing to God.


I am not on this earth to lift myself higher and disregard the feelings of others.


My thoughts should be pure toward others.


My mouth should speak only truth.


My heart should be humble and forgiving.


My eyes should see God's image in every person I meet.


My ears should listen to things that are pleasing to my relationship with Christ.


Each day I should strive to look more like my Father.


Ephesians 4:21-24 -- Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God-- truly righteous and holy.


For centuries and centuries, people lived without cell phones, Facebooks, and Twitters...I think I can survive a life without one. I still have a cell phone, but I definitely want to continue to spend more of my time where I am than wanting to remain in communication with people I cannot fully invest in at that moment.


Psalm 62:5 -- Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.

Rest.

Read these passages.
Rest in Jesus.


Psalm 62:1-2 -- My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.


Exodus 33:14 -- The Lord replied, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."


Psalm 138:3 -- When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted.


Isaiah 30:15 -- This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: "Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength."


Isaiah 43:1-7 -- But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, "Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name, you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I gave Egypt  as a ransom for your freedom; I gave Ethiopia and Seba in your place. Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you. Do not be afraid, for I am with you. I will gather you and your children from east and west. I will say to the north and south, 'Bring my sons and daughters back to Israel from the distant corners of the earth. Bring all who claim me as their God, for I have made them for my glory. It was I who created them.'"


Isaiah 43:13 -- From eternity to eternity I am God. No one can snatch anyone out of my hand. No one can undo what I have done.


He is in control.


Jeremiah 29:11-14 -- "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you," says the Lord. "I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land."


This song just started playing on my iTunes.
I'm just gonna leave the lyrics.


God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping

God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking

Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything

God in my hoping
There in my dreaming

God in my watching
God in my waiting

God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
Be my everything 
Everything -- Tim Hughes

Change of Heart.

I'm not sure how well you know me, or what you've heard me say, but at least for the last year and a half...I've hated my hometown. I wanted to get out of there and then once I did, I didn't want to come back. Obviously, there were some people that were exempt from my feelings of disgust for Modesto, but overall I was completely over it.


This semester, knowing I'll be coming home for a four month summer, I decided it's not okay for me to dislike where I came from and I started praying for a change of heart or something.


I am here to tell you that God has changed my heart.


I cannot explain to you accurately how much I miss everyone. I adore CBU and I love being here, but now there's just a longing in my heart to be where my 'family' is; my actual family, my church family, and my friends who are like family. It's ridiculous.


Philippians 1:3-11 -- I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart and, whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer: that your love may be abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ- to the glory and praise of God.


I just miss everyone and I love everyone. I miss CrossPoint Community Church. I miss going to Mr. T's, Yogurt Mill, Compadres on a Sunday afternoon, blasting gangster rap in the McDonald's drive thru....whatever it is we used to do together...I miss it.


And, rather than dreading this summer, I am actually really excited for it.


Thank you Jesus for changing my heart and giving me an excitement again.
:)

I miss you!!!

Opportunities.

It's funny when you realize that two things you really want to do cannot both be done. If you want to do one of them, you'll have to put off the other...or possibly even give it up altogether. How do you know which one is more important? More worthwhile? 


But as I'm writing that down I realize something about the last year of my life.


Choosing colleges was kinda like that. For some reason we think we're going to 'choose the wrong college' and from an outsiders view it may look as though I've done that or that's how I feel. But I have come to see how God makes his work known to us in big ways sometimes. I thought I was going to go to CSU Monterey Bay for my college years, but here I am in my dorm room at CBU. Interesting, right?


That gives me peace now that I see two opportunities I'd really like to pursue conflict with each other. God knows what he's going to do in and through me with either decision. He is God no matter where I'm located. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He is always in control.


So, why should I sit here and worry about these two opportunities? Both are amazing and I'd be honored either way. That's how I should look at this. What a blessing it is to be tied between two amazing opportunities!!


I'll let you know next Spring what exactly I'm talking about and what God leads me to do.

World.

Here is a picture of something I love.

Can I tell you a secret? One of my biggest hopes in life is to touch my foot to every single continent. I want to lose my American identity and take on a global perspective. I want to travel the world.

I guess that's kind of a big deal.

I love the world.

When I have a house I want my wallpaper to be maps. I want to hang up maps around my house, set globes on countertops, and put push pins in all of the places I've been. I want to decorate my house with items from all the countries and places I've been to, with photos of me and the people in those countries hanging on the walls.

I want to know tidbits of all kinds of languages and immerse myself deeply into cultures that are ridiculously different from my own. I want to challenge the way I think. I want to love people as Jesus would have loved them when he was here. I want to go and make disciples of all nations.

I really do.

Favoritism.

I've come to a realization in my life. I have a feeling we can all relate on this one topic; favoritism. In my mind I think, well, you see, this group of people is the group of people I most prefer to spend my time around-- therefore, I spend most of my time with them or seek to spend most of my time with them. 


But right now I am having trouble with that 'innocent' thought that's lingering in my mind,


James 2:1 -- My dear brothers and sisters, how can you claim to have faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ if you favor some people over others?


Now, generally we think what the next few verses say-- don't favor someone who is dressed nicer and richer over someone who is poor and dirty. BUT I can't help but interpret it as -- don't show favoritism ever. 


What if I don't even place my friends in front of people who are lonely, brokenhearted, or poor in spirit?


What if I love everyone the same?


Isn't that how Jesus loved? Didn't he love everyone and hang out with everyone and seek to include everyone? How would it look if Jesus had left someone out?


What if Jesus saw someone he sorta knew sitting alone at another table at lunch-- would he invite that person to come sit with him? Would he leave his friends to go join them? Would you?


I place my friends at a higher ranking than everyone else in the world and, up until this point, I thought that was alright. And I mean, it's not wrong to love your friends and cherish your time together--- but there are people who need to be loved. And maybe they aren't the most thrilling people or the most talkative; but Jesus loves them, and so should you.


I want to walk into a room of people and see everyone as children of God covered in the redeeming blood of Jesus Christ. I want to see them as all as pure and blameless in His sight. I want to see them all as my brothers and sisters who are on my team.


James 1:21 -- So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.


James 2:8-9 -- Yes indeed, it is good when you obey the royal law as found in the Scriptures: "Love your neighbor as yourself." But if you favor some people over others, you are committing a sin. You are guilty of breaking the law.


Doesn't matter who I eat lunch with, who I have a conversation with, who I spend my weekend with, who I sit next to in class, who I am texting---- we are all children of God and he loves us and that's how we have come to love each other.


1 John 4:16-19 -- We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first.

I want a heart...

Psalm 51:10 -- Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

I want a heart that seeks to live as Jesus Christ lived here on this earth.

I want a heart filled with compassion and love.

I want a heart that doesn't mind that, as I am loving a child by holding their hand, my hand is used to wipe off their excess sweat.

I want a heart that willingly sits down and washes feet.

I want a heart that speaks the truth because the truth is all that should ever flow from my lips.

Luke 6:45 -- A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

I want a heart full of prayer, service, forgiveness, and love.

I want a heart that falls at the feet of Jesus and worships him for who he is.

I want a heart that knows it fails without the mercy of Christ.

I want a heart that looks for opportunities to love God's children.

I want a heart that includes the outcast, the lost, and the broken.

I want a heart that isn't concerned at all for the world itself, but for the people of it who need Jesus.

1 Peter 2:1-3 -- So get rid of all evil behavior. Be done with all deceit, hypocrisy, jealousy, and all unkind speech. Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment, now that you have had a taste of the Lord's kindness.

I want a heart that no longer sees life as a big competition.

I want a heart that has ambitions to be poor.

I want a heart that stops comparing who I am with other people's accomplishments.

I want a heart that is blinded to the beauty of this world and sees only the image of Christ.

I want a heart that is bold and unafraid of what the world may do in response to this love.

John 15:18-19 -- If the world hates you, remember it hated me first. The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you.

Psalm 118:6 -- The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?

I want a heart that is willing to go.

I want a heart that God trusts to go.

I want a heart that simply goes.

Matthew 6:33 -- But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

My Soul Longs For You;

What is this life about?

I am really challenged by this question. As an American, I am taught that life is about success, marriage, and deserving everything I want. Life is supposed to be about me. I reserve the right to go to college. While I'm there, I will inevitably fall in love. Once I graduate with a PhD then I will get married, have the most beautiful wedding ever, and get my dream job all at the same time. As soon as my husband and I buy our first home, we will have the best jobs in the world and we are going to be very happy together. Then, once we are stable, we're going to have our own kids. We'll probably hire a nanny so that we can both continue on our successful career paths so we can have more money than we know what to do with.

I think we forget that real life is not a movie. Real life is messy. It's spontaneous. And we only get one time to do it.

What if Jesus asked you to leave college, sell everything you own, and move to Africa? Would you do it?

What if Jesus revealed to you that you aren't going to get married or have children of your own? Would you fight it?

What if you feel led to intentionally seek a simplistic life void of luxuries? Would you give up everything?

These are cringing questions. It's hard to choose between the world and Jesus' best for our lives because we can only see from our own perspective.

Luke 9:23-25 -- Then he said to the crowd, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed?"

What do we gain?

Jesus paid it all. He gave us absolutely everything. Because of what? Because of HIM. Because He is love. Not because of anything we did.

Shouldn't we hand it all back to him? I hate how entitled we feel. I hate how entitled I feel. It's disgusting. We don't deserve anything. Jesus deserved everything, but he came on this earth and humbled himself as a slave. Jesus sat down and washed people's feet. He healed them. He listened to them. He ate with them. He prayed with them.

We should stop thinking about all of the things that we want out of life and start thinking about what else we can give to life. How can we help others? How can we bless others? How can we further the kingdom? It's not about us.

Psalm 63.

O God, you are my God; 

I earnestly search for you.

My soul thirsts for you;

my whole body longs for you

in this parched and weary land

where there is no water.

I have seen you in your sanctuary

and gazed upon your power and glory.

Your unfailing love is better than life itself;

how I praise you!

I will praise you as long as I live,

lifting up my hands to you in prayer.

You satisfy me more than the richest feast.

I will praise you with songs of joy.

I lie awake thinking of you,

meditating on you through the night.

Because you are my helper,

I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.

I cling to you;

your strong right hand holds me securely.

But those plotting to destroy me will 

come to ruin.

They will go down into the depths of

the earth.

The will die by the sword

and become the food of jackals.

But the king will rejoice in God.

All who trust in him will praise him,

while liars will be silenced.